


To Say Nothing of the Goat

by meretricula



Category: Kate and Cecelia - Caroline Stevermer & Patricia Wrede
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fans & Fandom, Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, Alternate Universe - Temeraire Fusion, Epistolary, F/M, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 12:59:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13054500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meretricula/pseuds/meretricula
Summary: Whether in the future, the past, or the present, Kate and Cecelia are destined to have a very interesting correspondence.





	To Say Nothing of the Goat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nahnahnahnah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nahnahnahnah/gifts).



**Stardate 3250.3  
USS Wellington, Berengarius star system**

Lieutenant K'Tal daughter of Talgak to Cadet Ses daughter of Rustok, greetings and well wishes.

It is pleasant to receive your report on current conditions at the Academy. I trust that you continue to uphold our family's honor and exceed the expectations of your instructors. While it is somewhat counterintuitive that you have chosen not to further pursue your education in xenobiology at the Vulcan Science Academy, I recognize that engineering is also a satisfying field of study that will doubtless offer many rewarding challenges, and Starfleet Academy is a logical place of instruction. If it should prove useful to you to continue providing me with details of your courses, I would be gratified to receive them even if the matter is outside the bounds of my specialization. 

I am regrettably unable to provide you with an update on the status of my own research, which has been interrupted by the _Wellington_ 's proximity to an as-yet unexplained gravitational pull. Despite my assurances that I could filter the additional input Lieutenant Commander Schofield has ordered me to only progress with my experiments under his direct supervision. When I registered my protest to Captain Schofield she advised me that the Lieutenant Commander was "pulling my pigtails". After referral to the computer's database for a definition of her terminology I can only assume that a faulty translation has impeded my understanding, as my hair is too short to be tied in sections in the fashion described. No doubt you have encountered many such instances of Terran linguistic inexactitude in your time at the Academy. 

I have attached to this message some supplementary reading materials that may be of interest to you or your instructors. I was unaware until recently that Elder Z'bet was the chief engineer aboard the _Mi'Kal_ in her youth, prior to its destruction. If any of our clan, in particular Elder Carlok, should reproach you for your change of focus and direction, I trust that the example of such an illustrious forebear may provide justification. 

Live long and prosper. 

 

**Stardate 3251.8  
Starfleet Academy, San Francisco**

Cadet Ses daughter of Rustok to Lieutenant K'Tal daughter of Talgak, greetings and well wishes.

I thank you for your recent message. While it would be illogical to be swayed from a decision I know to be correct by the judgment of others, I nevertheless am gratified to receive the support of a fellow scientist and member of our clan. 

My classes are thus far satisfactory. Commander Wrexton is a gifted instructor, and I have found his combination of theoretical and practical exercises to be beneficial. The sole aspect of the Starfleet engineering track which I have found questionable is our assignment to study groups of our peers. Engineering is a curiously social endeavor among Terrans, and I find myself frequently recalling your anecdotes of working with such emotionally unstable life forms. In particular, I have found that Cadet Tarleton, otherwise an exemplary student, is incapable of entering into a discussion without first questioning my qualifications and commitment with specific reference to my species. While I would not normally allow his illogical prejudice influence my behavior, I am concerned that my grades may be impacted. Any advice which you might impart will be received with due attention. 

It is illogical that Lieutenant Commander Schofield would disrupt your research, and illogical that his commanding officer would permit the behavior to continue. I condole with your understandable frustration, and offer my hopes that you will be able to continue your experiments without further interference. 

Live long and prosper. 

 

**Stardate 3253.4  
USS Wellington, Loracus star system**

Lieutenant K'Tal daughter of Talgak to Cadet Ses daughter of Rustok, greetings and well wishes.

It is displeasing to learn that the instructors of Starfleet Academy permit cadets to demonstrate speciesist bigotry in their classes, and while I commend your desire to focus upon your own performance rather than the prejudices of others, I urge you to bring this behavior to the attention of your a superior officer -- Commander Wrexton, for instance -- if you feel that it may escalate to physical endangerment for yourself, or for others, if you should be forced to defend yourself. 

As a general strategy for coping with Terrans and other similarly emotional species, I have found that it is productive to directly name the offending behavior and ask the motivation behind it. Terrans are curiously willing to expose what will seem to be illogical sentiments, and I have found that in allowing them to verbally express their dissatisfaction with a situation or behavior, the perceived intensity of the dissatisfaction itself is frequently reduced, and compromise more easily obtained. While it will appear illogical to yield even partly to the emotional demands uncovered by this process, the practice of "meeting halfway" between the conflicting requirements of two individuals is deeply significant to Terrans and establishing your willingness to participate in it will greatly increase your ability to influence the behavior of those individuals with whom you have shared this experience in the future, and may even produce unforeseen benefits to you. 

As an example, I privately expressed my dissatisfaction to Lieutenant Commander Schofield concerning his unwillingness to allow me to continue my experiments without his supervision, and asked for the reasoning behind his distrust of my abilities as a scientist. He then explained that it was not his intention to express doubt in my competence, but rather a desire to spend time in my company which motivated his decision. I offered the compromise of joining him for social interaction during our off-duty hours, and was able to resume my research while still satisfying the Lieutenant Commander's illogical request. He is now instructing me in a peculiar Terran pastime called "poker", which allows the participants to practice both short- and long-term strategy upon situations engendered by pure chance, and which I have found to be a valuable exercise. 

It is also important to consider Terran behavior from an anthropological viewpoint. Their rituals of courtesy and social interaction are often at variance with the Vulcan equivalent, and while the objective superiority of Vulcan practice is apparent, it is also logical to conform to the modes of communication established by the majority when absent from Vulcan society. I would advise you to observe how your fellow cadets speak and behave toward each other and take cues, inasmuch as seems practicable in accordance with the teachings of Surak, from them. 

Live long and prosper. 

 

**Stardate 3256.1  
Starfleet Academy, San Francisco**

Cadet Ses daughter of Rustok to Lieutenant K'Tal daughter of Talgak, greetings and well wishes.

In accordance with your advice, I have attempted to engage in off-duty fraternization with the members of my study group in order to observe the accustomed rituals of their social interactions. These appear to primarily revolve around attaining a deliberate state of intoxication by consuming fermented beverages in groups. Cadet Tarleton, upon learning that Vulcan physiology is not impacted by alcohol in the same way as Terrans, inquired whether there are any intoxicants which do similarly affect us. After I informed him of the effect of cocoa on Vulcan neural function, he produced a prepackaged dessert bar and issued what I understand to be a traditional Terran challenge of fortitude, the "double dog dare". Perceiving an unexpected opportunity to gather first-hand data concerning Terran bonding rituals, I accepted Cadet Tarleton's challenge and was subsequently included in a highly productive discussion of transporter technology. I found the conversation to be intellectually stimulating and the camaraderie of my peers to be... enjoyable. While the immediate outcome of my participation in this ritual was regrettable, as due to a computational error Admiral Bryant's caprine companion seems to have been irreversibly disintegrated and the entire study unit has been assigned demerits and punitive exercises in consequence, I have been gratified to observe that the attitude of my classmates towards my presence and contributions in class discussion has measurably improved. Cadet Tarleton has even made a point of including me in social events, and has offered to acquire a beverage called "chocolate stout" for our study group's celebratory gathering after our first midterm. I thank you sharing the benefit of your experience with Terran social practice, and will continue to adhere to your advice in the future. 

Live long and prosper.

 

☕ ☕ ☕ ☕ ☕

 

**5 April 1797  
Loch Laggan**

Dear Kate, 

I am very sorry to hear about Uncle George and Aunt Celia. I did not know them very well but they were always very kind to me, even after I left Rushton with Aunt Elizabeth. I hope that you and Georgy are well, or as well as can be expected under the circumstances. 

Aunt Elizabeth says that you and Georgy will probably go live at Rushton Manor with Papa and Oliver and Aunt Charlotte since Uncle George did not have close family. I know that Papa will be kind and of course you already ~~had~~ have Uncle George but Papa is a good father so you do not need to worry that he will be a tyrant or cruel to little Georgy. 

I would not like to live with Aunt Charlotte. If she becomes unbearable, I hope that maybe you will come to the Corps with me and Aunt Elizabeth and Excelsior. Some girls come when they are even older than you so you would not be at a disadvantage and I would teach you everything, even the signals, which are a little difficult but I have memorized almost all of them now. I am learning to fight with a sword and Aunt Elizabeth's second lieutenant showed me how clean and fire a rifle and he says that if I am diligent at practicing someday I may make a _sharpshooter_. The training masters work us very hard but it is not like Aunt Charlotte complaining that your embroidery is not neat enough or making you recite half the prayerbook before she will let you have your tea. 

Now that I am ten Aunt Elizabeth says that I must stay aground and concentrate on my lessons until there is a crew that will take me as a cadet, so you can write to me at Loch Laggan and I will receive your letters straightaway. The training master here is a _dragon_ and he is almost as clever as Excelsior but he is not as big. I think you would like it here very much. 

Please write soon as I would like to know how you and Georgy get on at Rushton Manor. 

Your loving cousin,   
Cecy

 

**24 January 1806  
Colchester**

Dearest Cecy, 

I can hardly put pen to paper I am so tired. Dragonets are exhausting! But Boudicea is an absolute darling for all of that (you may blame your father for her name, in a roundabout fashion: I confess that I spent more than a few days in the library at Rushton Manor determinedly investigating every heroine who had made a good show _against_ the Romans as a child, I was so tired of hearing about them — poor Uncle Arthur, I’m sure he meant well, but the man had not the faintest idea of what to do with a grief-stricken ten year old girl) and I can hardly wait until you meet her. It is my great secret hope that once Boudicea has her full growth we will be posted to Excelsior's formation. I know it is not quite the usual assignment for a Xenica but she is on the larger side for a female and might well take the place of a midweight. I suppose we shall have to wait and see how she takes to formation flying. 

The covert is closer than I have been to Rushton in some time, and I did take advantage of Captain Atwood's generosity to beg a ride to the Manor one afternoon before Boudicea hatched. Uncle Arthur is as kind (if absent-minded) as ever but I am sorry to report that Georgina has grown up to be a dreadful snob, and Aunt Charlotte would barely acknowledge me -- I suspect that if our paths crossed in a public thoroughfare she would issue the cut direct. But I suppose she cannot like for Georgy to associate with an aviator even if it be her own relation, she is very determined that my sister make an Excellent Match. Snobbery aside, Georgina is quite the loveliest young woman I have ever seen, and Aunt Charlotte may well succeed in her ambitions, although I have no notion of what a gentleman should look for in a wife, rather than a serving-officer. 

At any rate, I very much doubt that any daughter of my sister's, if she should have one, will look for a place in the Corps, so if you had depended upon her producing an heir for Excelsior I regret to inform you that you had much better be on the lookout for a likely father yourself and get it out of the way before Aunt Elizabeth retires. Before you remind me of our childhood pact, I assure you that I have not forgotten it and if I should ever find myself in the position of producing twins, you may have one of them and welcome to it. A pity modern science has not yet advanced to the point of specifying what sort of child and how many one wishes to bear; it seems the most gross inconvenience that we may both be forced to ground at some point. Especially when one considers the possibility of a son. 

But for all of that, I cannot regret my situation when I consider that I have Boudicea, and Aunt Elizabeth, and you, my dear cousin, for only imagine what would have become of me if Aunt Charlotte had had the raising of me as well as Georgina! It scarcely bears thinking of. Write me when you have a free moment, for we are dreadfully short of news at the covert and I shall be quite duchess of the officers' mess if I can regale them with tales from my cousin who serves with the notorious Captain Rushton. My fondest love to Excelsior and our aunt! 

Your weary but very happy cousin,   
Kate

 

**3 February 1807  
Dover**

Dear Kate, 

When I think of the number of times Aunt Elizabeth has lectured us on the necessity of keeping our sex a secret from anyone but another aviator, I could just _spit_ , for what do you suppose she has done but insisted on meeting face to face with the naval commander to discuss our support of the blockade? (I will admit that I understand why she did it, because the thought of having to transmit every order through that halfwit Blythe is more than reason can bear — why the Admiralty ever agreed to put him to an egg is beyond me — but still.) It went better than I might have expected, as Captain Wrexton seems a sensible enough man, and even had a few notions of maneuvering that may serve once we have had the opportunity to practice them. But his second lieutenant is the most irritating man alive, and I will be saddled with him for the foreseeable future, as he has been assigned to liaise with Excelsior's formation while we are assigned to Dover and Aunt Elizabeth promptly dumped the task of liaising with _him_ on me. It's a pity I cannot reconcile it with my duty to quietly throw Tarleton overboard midflight, but I suppose if he is a naval officer he must know how to swim. Would you believe that he attempted to show me how to clean a rifle? As though I had not been commanding Excelsior's riflemen since I was sixteen. 

At all events, the blockade progresses well. We have had only skirmishing encounters, and no sight of a French dragon up to Excelsior's weight. So far Aquila is working out well on Excelsior's wing, although the rumblings from the Admiralty suggest he may be reassigned to help the new Regal Copper just hatched, as she'll need to be hurried along as quickly as possible, instead of remaining with us in the long term. If Aquila does go and the timing is convenient I think I will be able to persuade Aunt Elizabeth to ask for Boudicea as a replacement, so I hope you both are well, and that she is growing quickly! You must be choosing your crew already. I must admit to some shameful jealousy: not that I would give up Excelsior or wish harm on Aunt Elizabeth for all the world, but it is a little hard to think that I may never be anything more than Lieutenant Rushton. But Captain Talgarth has such a fine ring to it! I am proud to be your cousin, my love, and prouder to have been your dear companion all these years. All my love to your Boudicea, whom I hope to meet someday soon! 

Your loving cousin,   
Cecy

 

**14 September 1813  
Waycross**

Dear Cecy, 

Having complained to you so extensively about Captain Schofield and his high-handed behavior prior to the invasion, I am somewhat embarrassed to inform you that when you are finally introduced to him it will be as the father of my child, but I am ready to endure all the mockery I am due. All I can say in my defense is that he proved to be a surprisingly useful fellow to fight beside during the occupation, and that, whatever his other faults, he is devoted to Boudicea. Indeed, he has already had one of these newfangled pavilions constructed for her on his estate, and so I am staying here while we both recover from our wounds, and, in my case, an extremely inconvenient attack of morning sickness. I pray daily for a daughter; I cannot imagine having to go through this indignity twice.

Waycross being so near to Rushton, I have been able to see your father often, and he bears up as well as can be expected; he sends you all his love. I know we scarcely knew him, but I am sorry about your brother, Cecy. War is a wretched waste. 

Thomas is very tiresomely insisting that we must be married before the baby is born, in case it is a boy. He has even brought his mother home to keep it all right and proper that I am living in the manor (I am already increasing; I do not see how I could possibly do my reputation any further harm), which I thought would give me an ally, but Lady Sylvia has inexplicably come down on the side of marriage as well, so they may well wear me down enough to submit to becoming Lady Schofield. (What an awful ring that has to it!) Who knows, if I am a marchioness perhaps Aunt Charlotte and Georgy may acknowledge my existence again. Alas, I fear that whatever my rank I shall never be welcome to the rest of the neighborhood, for Boudicea has eaten the squire's goat, and all of my offers of fair compensation have gone unheard. I call it unjust of Squire Bryant to be so offended; it is not her fault that the animal got loose. Thomas told her to make free of the deer, and she had never seen a goat before: you can understand her mistake. 

I do very much regret that I cannot be in London to see Aunt Elizabeth knighted. You will write me every detail of the ceremony, will you not? Words are insufficient to express my delight that she is finally being valued as she ought. And it is a good sign, is it not, that aviators are recognized so publicly for our valor? Especially we women. You may think it blind optimism but I believe this scheme of dragons in Parliament may work out after all. (It has just occurred to me that Thomas has a seat in the House of Lords. Maybe I really had better marry him after all.)

Your loving but somewhat nauseated cousin,   
Kate

 

**23 September 1813  
London**

Dear Kate, 

It never rains but it pours, dearest coz, so you had better brace yourself for weddings all around. Aunt Elizabeth is now a Knight of the Bath and Captain Wrexton is now the happiest of men, for she has agreed to marry him. I shan't waste the ink to describe either ceremony or proposal minutely, for now that we are on furlough we shall be descending upon Essex en masse -- I shall be able to give you every detail, and answer every question, in person. Captain Wrexton is a friend of your marquis, it seems, for as soon as he learned that Aunt Elizabeth wished to be married from Rushton so that my father could attend, he took it as given that he and Tarleton would stay at Waycross until the wedding. 

In the interest of pre-empting my own fair share of mockery, I must confess that I have come around considerably on the subject of Lieutenant Tarleton. I suppose he and Captain Schofield both cannot help it if they are raised to believe women can do nothing for themselves, and he has at least shown himself willing to learn from his mistakes. Excelsior is not yet convinced (although he quite dotes upon Captain Wrexton already -- you will see what a paragon Wrexton is soon), but he does not precisely disapprove, either. It's all a great tangle, what will become of us now the war is over, especially now that Aunt Elizabeth is contemplating retirement. Wrexton says a sailing man does not expect to live together always with his wife and he does not mind if Aunt Elizabeth wishes him to sell out so he can establish a home for them in London or Essex or wherever she is assigned, but I think she really may step down. It is quite impossible for me to consider the prospect of becoming Captain Rushton objectively, but when I think of how long and through what perils Aunt Elizabeth has fought to defend our nation, I cannot imagine anyone who better merits a peaceful life with a partner who adores her. And, extremely selfishly, if I might entrust a child to her for upbringing, I would have far fewer qualms about producing a future captain for Excelsior. 

At any event, I do not propose to make any decisions without talking them over with you quite extensively. We depart London for Essex in a few days, once all the necessary errands are complete (only imagine shopping with Aunt Elizabeth for bride clothes! I have suffered more in the defense of our nation, but not often), so I shall see you soon. All my love to Boudicea, and the next Captain Talgarth; you may tell Captain Schofield I look forward to inspecting him. It will do him no harm to sweat a little. 

Your loving cousin,   
Cecy

 

☕ ☕ ☕ ☕ ☕

 

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
Reminder to everyone but especially @wemustdosomething to sign up for Big Bang Fantastic today! 

@wemustdosomething she sells seashells  
@blamethegoat I'm signing up right now! Just woke up, sorry. Timezones :(

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@wemustdosomething I hate the Atlantic Ocean :( 

@wemustdosomething she sells seashells  
@blamethegoat ugh I knowwwwww but I'm officially coming to visit for spring break! Aunt Elizabeth bought my tickets and everything.

@wemustdosomething she sells seashells  
@blamethegoat 8 hour layover in Reykjavik tho, gross

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@wemustdosomething !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@wemustdosomething my roommate just came home in tears so I have to go but Skype later? We have to make plans! 

@wemustdosomething she sells seashells  
@blamethegoat aww I hope everything is okay! and yes, skype for sure! I'm home all day, just DM me when you're free. 

 

 **ceceliarushton:** ok so first of all  
 **ceceliarushton:** who the fuck is Marquess  
 **ceceliarushton:** and how dare they snipe you from me  
 **k.talgarth:** omg I know!!!!!!!  
 **k.talgarth:** ugh like we had to pick at least three writers  
 **k.talgarth:** but I tried so hard to pick people who would have lots of artists sign up for them  
 **k.talgarth:** I thought I gamed the system but the system gamed me :(  
 **k.talgarth:** who did you end up with?   
**ceceliarushton:** idk anything about them but their handle is "JamesTheMundane"  
 **ceceliarushton:** looks like they mostly do fanmixes and artsy photo edits for covers  
 **k.talgarth:** I guess that's not too bad  
 **k.talgarth:** I'd rather have a bad fanmix than bad art  
 **k.talgarth:** (I mean I hope they're good! but worst case scenario)  
 **ceceliarushton:** yeah I'm clicking through their account and it looks like their taste in music is mostly okay so that's good  
 **ceceliarushton:** oh boy you're going to love this  
 **ceceliarushton:** they've done like ten collabs with Marquess  
 **ceceliarushton:** bet you they're having this exact same conversation right now  
 **k.talgarth:** whaaaaaaaaaaat  
 **k.talgarth:** oh man  
 **k.talgarth:** "I say, James! who on earth is this podfic creature who has been assigned to me?"  
 **k.talgarth:** "do they not know that I will accept nothing but the Queen's finest English? how dare they offer me this pale Yank imitation?"   
**ceceliarushton:** omg shut up first of all your podfic is amazing and I was really looking forward to having you record my fic!  
 **ceceliarushton:** secondly why is Marquess british  
 **k.talgarth:** come on  
 **k.talgarth:** if they picked a username like that they're either british or one of those creepy cockney fetishists who wants to marry bandicoot curdlesnatch and live in downton abbey  
 **k.talgarth:** I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt

 

Kate the Great: omggggggg why aren't you awake yet  
Kate the Great: I'm fucking losing it Marquess goes to Oxford too  
Kate the Great: he probably went to Eton or Harrow or wherever the fuck horrible posh boys come from  
Kate the Great: DID THE MODS DO THIS ON PURPOSE I WANT A DO-OVER   
Kate the Great: wake uppppppp I need a patented Cecelia Plan to deal with this situation he says we should meet in person to "coordinate" our big bang what if he wants to turn my skin into a tasteful leather jacket

 

 **ceceliarushton:** I just saw your DM and hoooooooly shit  
 **ceceliarushton:** (sorry, Aunt Charlotte dragged me to church this morning and she wouldn't let me bring my phone!)   
**ceceliarushton:** that's some stranger danger shit  
 **k.talgarth:** RIGHT????? what the hell  
 **ceceliarushton:** although tbh going from what you've told me about Oxford boys he probably doesn't wear leather jackets  
 **ceceliarushton:** more like he needs new suede elbow patches for his favorite tweed sportcoat   
**k.talgarth:** you're the worst  
 **k.talgarth:** I'm laughing way too hard  
 **ceceliarushton:** at least you'll go to your murder with a smile  
 **ceceliarushton:** srsly tho usual rules for meeting someone from the internet  
 **ceceliarushton:** public meeting place  
 **ceceliarushton:** make sure Dora knows where you are and is waiting for you to call if you need her to bail you out  
 **ceceliarushton:** phone charged!!!  
 **k.talgarth:** you think I should actually meet him?   
**ceceliarushton:** I mean... maybe?  
 **ceceliarushton:** not if it's really freaking you out obvs  
 **ceceliarushton:** but it would be kind of awk to say no and still do the podfic with him wouldn't it?   
**k.talgarth:** yeah you're probably right  
 **k.talgarth:** and I don't want to bail on big bang, I've been so excited about it for months  
 **k.talgarth:** emailing him back now! pray for me  
 **ceceliarushton:** if you disappear I'll tell the police to start checking secondhand jacket shops  
 **k.talgarth:** if I get turned into a coat I better not wind up in the oxfam shop!   
**k.talgarth:** I want to be a family heirloom  
 **k.talgarth:** passed down for generations  
 **k.talgarth:** make the sacrifice of my life worthwhile   
**ceceliarushton:** creepy but noted

 

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@wemustdosomething just to publicly relieve your worry it turns out @marquessofnowhere is neither a serial killer nor an Eton lad

@marquessofnowhere Odd Thomas  
@blamethegoat @wemustdosomething uh... thanks? 

@marquessofnowhere Odd Thomas  
@blamethegoat @wemustdosomething I don't blame you for the serial killer bit but I'm frankly offended you thought I went to public school

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething abject apologies, yr grace! yr lordship? what's the proper form of address for a marquess anyway

@marquessofnowhere Odd Thomas  
@blamethegoat @wemustdosomething it's "my lord" but somehow I don't think you actually wanted an answer

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething a) correct b) it is a bit revolting you knew that off the top of your head

@marquessofnowhere Odd Thomas  
@blamethegoat @wemustdosomething when you've lived in this town as long as I have you make your peace with the revolting, especially the students

@wemustdosomething she sells seashells  
@marquessofnowhere @blamethegoat I think I would like to be unincluded from this conversation before it turns into a barfight

@marquessofnowhere Odd Thomas  
@wemustdosomething @blamethegoat unlikely. I wouldn't be caught dead in a student pub

 

 **ceceliarushton:** ughhhhhhh so I sent my rough draft to James  
 **ceceliarushton:** so he could start working on his mixtape  
 **ceceliarushton:** and he literally replied with unsolicited punctuation edits  
 **ceceliarushton:** DID I FUCKING ASK   
**k.talgarth:** w o w  
 **ceceliarushton:** NOPE  
 **k.talgarth:** what a fucking dick  
 **k.talgarth:** I hope you sent him a withering dismissal  
 **k.talgarth:** you're so much better at them than I am  
 **ceceliarushton:** I have to calm down before I reply or it's just going to be all caps yelling about oxford commas  
 **ceceliarushton:** <https://youtu.be/P_i1xk07o4g>  
**ceceliarushton:** he did also send me some songs he's thinking about for the mix and they're pretty good  
 **k.talgarth:** you're way nicer than I would be about it  
 **ceceliarushton:** lmao well nicer than straight-up murder isn't a stretch   
**k.talgarth:** true  
 **k.talgarth:** if Thomas complains about my pronunciation one more time I'm going to show up at his house and smother him in his sleep  
 **ceceliarushton:** ohhhhhh been to his house have you?  
 **k.talgarth:** it's really hard to record in my dorm room, okay!   
**k.talgarth:** he lives with his mom  
 **k.talgarth:** so it's like a proper house  
 **k.talgarth:** no students yelling at all hours of night and day  
 **k.talgarth:** his mom is really cool about it  
 **ceceliarushton:** I hope I get to meet him when I visit  
 **ceceliarushton:** you're making me so curious  
 **k.talgarth:** you could meet him sooner if you want  
 **k.talgarth:** he's going to Connecticut to visit James in February   
**k.talgarth:** apparently James lives in New Haven  
 **ceceliarushton:** gross  
 **k.talgarth:** agreed  
 **k.talgarth:** but anyway I think he's planning on flying into Boston  
 **k.talgarth:** if you wanted to say hi  
 **ceceliarushton:** oh yeah definitely   
**ceceliarushton:** I can invite him back to the house  
 **ceceliarushton:** introduce him to Aunt Charlotte  
 **ceceliarushton:** let her tell him all about how she's hoping you'll bring home an English husband  
 **k.talgarth:** I take it back I don't want you to meet him after all

 

@wemustdosomething she sells seashells  
Hey Twitter! This is early, but: suggestions of things to do when I visit @blamethegoat in March. What should I not miss in England? 

@JamestheMundane absolutely normal  
@wemustdosomething @blamethegoat bring a very warm coat

@wemustdosomething she sells seashells  
@JamestheMundane @blamethegoat you do realize we're from New England right? We know how to dress for the weather. 

@marquessofnowhere Odd Thomas  
@wemustdosomething @JamestheMundane @blamethegoat he's too embarrassed to admit he's speaking from experience

@JamestheMundane absolutely normal  
@marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething @blamethegoat "spring break" implies spring-like weather, okay? It's a reasonable assumption. 

@JamestheMundane absolutely normal  
@marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething @blamethegoat should I have told her to avoid hot chocolate shops instead? 

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@JamestheMundane @marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething sounds like there's a story there...

@marquessofnowhere Odd Thomas  
@blamethegoat @JamestheMundane @wemustdosomething no. 

@JamestheMundane absolutely normal  
@blamethegoat @marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething he has some kind of weird feud going on with the woman who runs Griscomb's.

@JamestheMundane absolutely normal  
@blamethegoat @marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething I went in to get a hot chocolate and he literally dragged me back out

@JamestheMundane absolutely normal  
@blamethegoat @marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething not sure but I think she threw a full pot of hot chocolate after us

@JamestheMundane absolutely normal  
@blamethegoat @marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething I heard something hit the door and break but I didn't want to stop and find out

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@JamestheMundane @marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething haha are you serious? That's my roommate's stepmom, she's awful

@marquessofnowhere Odd Thomas  
@JamestheMundane @blamethegoat @wemustdosomething SHE GOT ME EXPELLED OK

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@marquessofnowhere @JamestheMundane @wemustdosomething ...that was a considerably less lighthearted conclusion to the story than I expected.

 

 **ceceliarushton:** well now I feel like shit for starting that thread.   
**k.talgarth:** *you* didn't do anything wrong  
 **k.talgarth:** jesus  
 **k.talgarth:** I feel awful  
 **k.talgarth:** he's so fucking prickly about everything to do with school  
 **k.talgarth:** I thought it was just a townie thing  
 **k.talgarth:** I've been teasing him for ages  
 **ceceliarushton:** well if he didn't tell you it's not your fault you didn't know  
 **ceceliarushton:** James DMed me like three times to apologize  
 **ceceliarushton:** he said he knew about Thomas getting kicked out of school but he didn't realize he was still upset about it  
 **k.talgarth:** I don't think that's the kind of thing you stop being upset about  
 **k.talgarth:** did he know what happened?  
 **ceceliarushton:** not really  
 **ceceliarushton:** just that she accused him of stealing some china from the shop  
 **ceceliarushton:** (of all fucking things, right?)  
 **ceceliarushton:** and she took it to his adviser  
 **ceceliarushton:** who i guess believed her because he told Thomas not to come back to school after the break  
 **ceceliarushton:** and Thomas was apparently too stiff-necked to appeal to someone higher up  
 **k.talgarth:** well, shit  
 **ceceliarushton:** seriously  
 **k.talgarth:** it's just so dumb  
 **k.talgarth:** that's not even academic dishonesty  
 **k.talgarth:** even if he did steal some china from a chocolate shop, which I'm not saying he did  
 **k.talgarth:** like come on  
 **k.talgarth:** they don't kick you out for that, they just make you pay for it and apologize  
 **ceceliarushton:** from the limited amount I know about Thomas  
 **ceceliarushton:** I'm guessing the sticking point was "apologize"

 

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
Big Bang Fantastic is out today and you should all check out @marquessofnowhere's story, recorded by yours truly! bit.ly/12345

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
And of course the brilliant @wemustdosomething's story, with beautiful art and a fanmix by @JamestheMundane bit.ly/67890

@wemustdosomething she sells seashells  
@blamethegoat @JamestheMundane thank you! *blushy face* did you stay up for reveals? I can't believe you read it so fast! 

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@wemustdosomething @JamestheMundane I would have for your beautiful prose! But no, we've got some drama going down this side of the ocean

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@wemustdosomething @JamestheMundane so I was up all night anyway. At least reveals are kind of a pleasant distraction. 

@wemustdosomething she sells seashells  
@blamethegoat @JamestheMundane oh no, I hope everything is okay! 

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@wemustdosomething @JamestheMundane I think it will be! But keep your fingers crossed anyway. 

@marquessofnowhere Odd Thomas  
@blamethegoat @wemustdosomething @JamestheMundane no idea how you pulled that off but yes, it's all settled. Swinging by your college now. 

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething @JamestheMundane good old American can-do spirit! also I don't care if blackmail is rude. 

@wemustdosomething she sells seashells  
@blamethegoat @marquessofnowhere @JamestheMundane *high five*

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething @JamestheMundane once your mom and my roommate agreed to give evidence it was pretty open and shut.

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething @JamestheMundane you're going to need a new adviser now, though

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething @JamestheMundane on account of how Professor Bedrick is on leave ~pending investigation~

@marquessofnowhere Odd Thomas  
@blamethegoat @wemustdosomething @JamestheMundane I think I'll survive the inconvenience

@JamestheMundane absolutely normal  
@marquessofnowhere @blamethegoat @wemustdosomething I'm stoked for you but we're going to have to change the dates on your visit, right? 

@marquessofnowhere Odd Thomas  
@JamestheMundane @blamethegoat @wemustdosomething oh fuck, I didn't even think of that. let me check the term calendar

@JamestheMundane absolutely normal  
@marquessofnowhere @blamethegoat @wemustdosomething the thing is I was thinking about coming with Cecy in March, so if that works better...

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@JamestheMundane @marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething James, you're a man after my own heart, but a model of discretion you're not

@wemustdosomething she sells seashells  
@blamethegoat @JamestheMundane @marquessofnowhere omg kate pls not a repetition of the georgy/oliver debacle I'm begging you

@wemustdosomething she sells seashells  
@blamethegoat @JamestheMundane @marquessofnowhere my nerves can't take it and we don't have another goat

@JamestheMundane absolutely normal  
@blamethegoat @marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething is that... is that bad? 

@blamethegoat Kate the Great  
@JamestheMundane @marquessofnowhere @wemustdosomething no, upon reflection I've decided it's very good indeed :) looking forward to March! 

@marquessofnowhere Odd Thomas  
@blamethegoat @JamestheMundane @wemustdosomething dearest heart, please leave off terrorizing our friends about their love lives

@marquessofnowhere Odd Thomas  
@blamethegoat @JamestheMundane @wemustdosomething I'm starting to feel that I don't do enough to keep you occupied

@wemustdosomething she sells seashells  
@marquessofnowhere @blamethegoat @JamestheMundane !!!! KATE YOU SNEAK

@marquessofnowhere Odd Thomas  
@blamethegoat @JamestheMundane @wemustdosomething also, I'm at your door, please come let me in

 

 **ceceliarushton:** so March should be pretty interesting   
**k.talgarth:** I'm so excited to see you!  
 **k.talgarth:** and meet James obvs   
**k.talgarth:** fair warning, Thomas is going to make us go punting no matter how cold it is  
 **k.talgarth:** according to his lordship you're not an Oxford student until you've been out in a punt  
 **k.talgarth:** pretty sure he just wants to watch me fall into the Cherwell but whatever  
 **ceceliarushton:** can't wait :D

**Author's Note:**

> In my defense, you did say you liked AUs. Happy Yuletide, nahnahnahnah! I hope you'll enjoy this even a fraction as much as I enjoyed writing it.


End file.
